Growing.

This post has been rolling around in my head for almost two weeks. Preston left for school a day shy of three weeks ago. I thought about writing something the night before he left, but as I stood in the kitchen sobbing, I decided it would come out too emotional, and not what I wanted to say. I miss him and his craziness terribly, my throat still gets tight and forms a lump if I let myself think about it too long.



That is not where I want to go though. We all know I love him like crazy and he changed the course of my world. Now it is his turn to change the course of the world. Dramatic, I know.  As he has grown older, one of the lessons that I have really wanted him to know is generosity and kindness. We have had the typical "you are so very lucky" talks, we have purged toys to go to the local charity house, and I always make sure I have extra dollars at Christmas time to put in the little red buckets EVERY time we see one. We always explain the reasons behind each action.



I found a new blog recently that a friend reccommended. She is big on compassion, and being there for one another. She has even created a movement, and written a book. Big things are happening. I want all those things for my children. I want them to be generous and kind, not just with their things, but with themselves.



We know very little about what happens at school. We get little tidbits here and there, but mostly we know if he ate his lunch that day or not. And who he talked to at lunch. Lunch must be some kind of big deal! So I am going to tap into lunch and help him to know that even though he may have a brand new Batman lunchbox, that he needs to watch for the kid that might be hiding his old ripped or worn out lunchbox, or sits by themself because they are too shy. To reach out to that child, to befriend them. To let them know they are not alone, that they have him, and he can be a pretty great friend.



I want him to be there, really be there, for others. The way we have always been there for him. We have shown up for every little event in his life, and he has so many right behind us that show up for him, too. He knows what it means to show up for someone. He had a party over the weekend that I had a moment of selfishness and didn't want to go to this party because it was hot, we were having a cookout later, and the house needed attention. Then I thought about how that child might feel if Preston didn't show up. It might go unnoticed, or it might really leave him feeling sad that he couldn't make it. So we went, and we didn't know anyone, but the birthday boy. Preston didn't want to play the games, so I pulled him aside and explained that it may have hurt his feelings if someone didn't like his party games. Then he was all-in and dug the eyeballs out of the spaghetti like it was a job (we were at a fear factor party.)



I want him to make a difference in this world, and not by being the best boxer in the world. I want him to make a difference in everyday. People's everyday. By being there, by showing up, and reaching out. It's hard, I know how hard it is, but I am going to lead by example. I am going to start putting myself out there, and giving compassion to others. Reaching out to others, and being there for those who need me.