We made it!

We have been wrapping things up around here lately, and I haven't had the time to put them into words. Our biggest most current milestone was momma and two littles by ourselves for two days.

Brandon went to see some golf game. U.S. Open anyone? He has been pining for this for years, at least since the last time it was this close to home. He bought the tickets back at the beginning of the year. When I was still pregnant and a mother to only one. I told him to go. Obviously I thought all babies were angels like Preston. Grant has a very different way of handling things.  Not bad, just different. He likes to rule. Brandon had fun, I got one shower, and saw every hour of the night Wednesday night. We are all in one piece (well, except for the Tahoe, darn power steering gear, more on our adventure later.) We played with friends, took in a movie, got some groceries, went to story time, and fell asleep in the car twice.  Not me- Preston. Dad is home now, and all is well.

We have also wrapped up T-Ball season. This is very bittersweet for me. It really cramped our style, taking over every weekend, killing plans, rooting us at home. Now we are free to go again, and we owe Preston a trip to the zoo.  However, once he "got it" he had a good time running after the ball in the pack of kids.  They learned some T-Ball basics from Coach Crawford, and a little bit of tackle football, too. I loved watching them all run after the ball, and when they got close enough, at least three of them falling on it.

It was fun to see Preston get situated at home plate to hit one outta the park, hitting the plate with his bat, egging the pitcher on. Even if he did use the Tee seventy-five percent of the time. He made a good buddy that is teaching him all about being five. We are trying to find a day to have them over for dinner. I need to change the smoke alarm batteries first though because his dad is a fireman. Safety first.

We finished out the season with trophies and ice cream at the local ice cream stand. The kids loved it, and made a huge mess of the table because it was close to 100 degrees, and they were half eating half playing.

We wrapped up our first year of preschool just after Grant made his grand entrance. The end of year program was one of the sweetest things I have seen. His teachers are amazing with the things they can convince these twenty children to do. Preston sang and danced. In front of a church full of people. I held my emotions together really well, probably because I was no longer pregnant. I made it all the way to the goodbye song.  As the kids sang; "Oh, it's time to say goodbye to all  our friends, gooood-byyyee." The tears flowed. For a year passed, for new accomplishments, for a growing child, but mostly for the fear that I wouldn't hear the song again. Sweet Miss Keri informed me that I was crazy and I had another year. I love his teachers.

We are now going to enjoy our lazy summer, and let schedules go by the wayside. We are going to linger in the backyard later, skip a few rest times to play longer, lounge at the pool as long as a certain little babe will allow. We are going to enjoy the few truly hot months that we are blessed with, and soak up the warmth, to get us through the long winter.

Moving on

Yesterday was terrible.  It was one for the record books. I guess that we will have days like this (my momma said.) I guess you have to take the good with the bad, so that you appreciate the good, and life has been very good to us lately.

Grant wanted to do nothing, but nurse, and there was no consoling him without it. It made for a very long day. I was exhausted from being up late Saturday night, and feeling stressed and emotional. I so desperately wanted to check-in to a sleep coma for several hours. It wasn't going to happen though.

Brandon really tried to let me sleep in, but Preston wanted no parts of sharing his dear old dad with his brother, so he came in and watched some Care Bears while I laid in bed with my eyes closed so he wouldn't ask why about everything that happened. Real attentive, I know. Then the other two boys joined us because (surprise) Grant wanted to nurse. Once he was finally content, we took a short nap, and then we went to a cookout for Granddaddy and Brandon's birthdays. I think we may have been throwing Father's Day in there as well. I don't know that I saw anyone there. Grant nursed as soon as we got there for I don't know how long, but it felt like forever. Then I scarfed down my food, and he was passed around trying to get him to sleep so he wouldn't think he was hungry. This is our new game.

Last week's game was crossing our fingers hoping the garage door would open. That is another story though!

Once we got home Grant and I had more quality time, then I shoved him off on Brandon and hid out in the bedroom. Brandon managed to get him to sleep. I tried to sleep, but couldn't, I had reached the point of no return. There was no hope for me, so I gave up.

By the end of the day, Grant had blown through three bottles like it didn't take me 20 bazillion pumping sessions to get. I tried not to be emotional about the fact that he is hungrier than I can provide, but it is hard to put things into perspective when you are overly tired. Today I am feeling a little more sane, and feeling less stressed about things, and guess what? He is sitting in the swing by himself.

Yes, my one month old babe is content and happy. And asleep. Before I put him there though, I took this picture before he gets anymore rolls so we will always remember how little and skinny he was. He has already grown so much though. I hate that it took me a month to get this picture of my little frog. Happy one month birthday, Grant!

She works hard...

We are all working hard around here these days!  Grant is on the platform, ready to board the smile train. Preston and I are up to crazy antics trying to be the first to get the first real smile.  Not a "yeah, I am full smile," or "yeah, I am so sleepy smile."

We want the real deal.  We want him to smile at us because he thinks we are funny.  We have made faces, tickled him, "ate" his cheeks, played peek-a-boo. No dice yet, but it is coming.  I can feel it.  He almost smiled at me the other night right after I finished changing his diaper, and hadn't fed him yet.  Then he realized he was hungry, and the moment left us.

He is also becoming more aware through the days, and is spending more time with his eyes open, and less time snoozing away. He will stare at me with no expression while I will him to smile for at least half an hour before he realizes that I am holding him, and he is not eating. 

This all reminders at how fast this one is growing up.  Before I know it, I will be painting over sized boxes for preschool, so he can ride on a parade float. In the 90 plus degrees that has been our day. Thinking I got my first taste of sunburn for the summer for that one! 

Three weeks

It is amazing at the speed that three weeks can travel.  The last three weeks at this house have been busy.  We have had four T-Ball games, lots of visitors, a birthday, an anniversary, a trip to the beach for a concert, a cookout for memorial day, strawberry picking, Pump-It-Up, a preschool graduation and picnic, several play dates, and a new baby along for the ride.

We have gone from this:

To this:

He has already started changing. He is getting chubby cheeks. Some new rolls on his arms.  His legs are looking less like twigs. He is becoming more aware and sleeping less.  The proof is sitting at my feet now checking out the living room.

I can't believe that we are approaching a month already. I am pretty sure the only reason that my hospital bag has already been unpacked is because I had to use it to pack for the beach. I will say though, that bag hasn't been unpacked yet. 

Where did the last three weeks go? Into hundreds of pictures and memories.  I am determined to document my boy's lives better. I want to remember. Brandon thinks this might be our last child (the thought makes me tear up.) If that is the case, I am going to soak it all up. These lives are too precious.

I am celebrating that we have survived the last three weeks that were overflowing with activity. I know we didn't rush through Preston's first three like this.  There was a lot more sitting around and cuddling. With a three year old though, there is much less time to sit and cuddle.  For now I am using rest time to my full advantage.  So is Grant- he uses that time to pig out like no other. I will take it though.  It is probably the only time he gets to eat without interruption.

I plan to reflect on the last three weeks more on Sunday.  It will be June 5th, Grant's actual expected date.  I was hoping that since he came three weeks early, he would be the one to help me be early, but if not early, maybe closer to on-time. He has done the opposite, but its okay, for now.

A Mother's Intuition

First... I have to set the scene for where I am right now.

I am sitting on the back porch with the fan wide open and I am still steaming at 10am.  I am loving it. The best part though? One child is running around in the yard, splashing in the pool and having a ball, and the other is sleeping peacefully in a bouncy seat at my side. I feel so lucky it makes me laugh. It is going to be a sweltering day that makes everyone a little bit lazy. I am looking forward to it.

********************** -me changing subjects.

I have been wandering around with this post in my head for a little over a week now, and I really wanted to get it out. Otherwise, I would probably just skip it and move on.  I am now a mother of two. I feel like I have joined a new secret society.  The one where you no longer have it easy because the adults no longer outnumber the kids, and you are now man-on-man. I didn't realize there were different societies, but everyone is suddenly cutting me a little more slack when I don't get things done when I should or when I forget to drop off the sandwich money at the preschool for I don't know how many days in a row.

Back to it- the first week of this precious babe's life

I did the typical weigh-in at the pediatrician's office.  He had dropped weight, expected, of course.  They all do.  So it is requested that I come back in 4 days to see if he has gained weight.  Well, he still hadn't. Still somewhat expected, but the doctor that we had been fit in with, starts the speech of, "You may want to think about supplementing." I was immediately defensive.

You have to have the history to completely understand.  I tried breastfeeding Preston, and due to a terrible rash I was put on medication to clear the rash up. When I say terrible, I mean covered head to toe. The medicine did clear up the rash, but it also, dried me up, so that I couldn't feed my firstborn. It was very upsetting.  We didn't learn until way after the fact that the medicine was the culprit.  I had done everything to keep my supply up, I bought all the supplements, I pumped, I drank a beer a day, nothing helped and I starved Preston for two weeks before I finally gave in and gave up. He became a different baby.  He was happy, content and started sleeping through the night.

Back to the doctor's office.  She immediately started backpedaling, realizing she had stepped on some toes. I promptly explained the history, and that we weren't going down that road with this child. That he was happy, he was content and that if I felt that he wasn't, then I would have no problem giving him formula to give him what he needs.  I didn't feel the need to explain to her that he was only a week old, and she had just told me four days earlier that they expect them to hit their lowest weight at a week of age. She said that they would need to see him back in three days to make sure things were on an upswing.  Fine, if they want to keep close tabs on us, I am okay with that. I made our appointment for five days. I was going to give him every opportunity. 

I had lunch with my mom, and in that time my intuition kicked into overdrive. I started telling myself that some doctor that was my age was no more qualified to tell me how to raise my child than one of the ladies in church. I decided then, in that restaurant, that I would trust my instincts and go with my gut. I also made sure to make our next appointment with our regular pediatrician, who I love.  He doesn't get worked up about anything, and if I go into the the office and tell him my three year has croup, he believes me.  He even trusts me enough to send me home with an extra prescription for it, and everyone else always makes me come in every time he gets it.  After lunch though, I head home and like a good new mommy, I break out the pump to increase my supply, and I continue to feed on demand.  I am in high demand these days!

So I go back five days later and of course, just as I had guessed, Grant is gaining.  He is still content and happy. I just noticed this morning after I put him in a sleeveless shirt, that his little arms are filling out and becoming chubby.  Which also made me think, I need to take some pictures of this little boy before he changes.  He is only two weeks and four days and he is already growing up.  It feels like this little boy is going to grow up with lightening speed.  I am working really hard to be present with this one and remember all his littleness, but it hit me today that the last 18 days have vanished without having a moment to breath. I am really going to have to work at this. 

That and I have a 3 year and 11 month old on my hands that will all too soon be a four year old. I don't want to lose focus on his growth either. I look forward to the weekend that we are planning in PA going to Dutch Wonderland and focusing on him in all his four year old glory.  However, I look back at the last four years and see them tied up in play dates, running errands, walks to story time, a year of preschool, park fun, time with grandparents and cousins, and I think that it suits us just fine.

I know that both my kids are happy and healthy, and when we all get use to Grant, we will all be well-adjusted once more.  I am going to trust myself and know that what I am doing is right for them. I am doing the best I can, but not without worry. I know that I will second guess myself and whether I can do things differently/better, but to look at these two and think that I have gone wrong somewhere?

Nope, not a chance.

Grant Richard- A Birth Day

Last Thursday started like the previous 20 Thursdays... In a rush to get out the door to preschool.  Once I got back to the house, I got busy rearranging things, doing some laundry, and felt pretty energetic.  It should have been my first clue.  I hadn't felt like moving a muscle in months, and now I felt like I could clean the whole house!

During preschool I started with some contractions that were every five minutes, but not painful.  I didn't think a thing of them because I had been doing that for weeks.  By the time I went to pick up from preschool they had stopped. Good, I had already committed to Grant staying put until the 25th of May so that I wouldn't miss the end of the year preschool happenings.

After preschool, Preston and I went to a local green house and got several hanging baskets to help the back yard look more like Spring. We brought home the flowers, had a picnic on the porch and then he went down for rest time.  He fell asleep, so I took advantage and took a nap myself. 

I woke up around 2:30 and noticed more contractions.  Slightly annoyed because Preston had a T-Ball game that evening, I started getting things together for that.  Never really paid much attention to what my body was telling me.  After two hours of them though I gave them half a thought and sent Brandon a text message.  Not really saying that I was concerned, just more of a, "hey, just thought I should tell someone." It occurred to me at that point though that I may want to put some things in a bag "just in case."

In order to still go to Preston's T-Ball game, I didn't want to alarm anyone. So I grit my teeth and tried to power through each contraction. At the game, I planted my bum in a chair and didn't move. By the end of the hour I was gripping the arms of the chair and holding my breath through each one.  Still not wanting to alarm anyone because I wanted to go get ice cream, I powered through.  When we got home, I insisted that we take a picture, that it might be our last picture as a family of three. I am so glad my husband knows not to argue with me when it comes to pictures.



Holy belly! It is hard to believe now, that he was in there!



On the way home from getting ice cream, I paged my doctor and got his opinion.  He was not concerned- they were only every four minutes, I was only 36 weeks, and I wasn't "huffing and puffing." His words. So then I started to doubt myself.  We went home, and Brandon gave Preston a shower and put him to bed while I changed the sheets on our bed. Just in case Linda came to stay the night.  I said an extra special goodnight to Preston and squeezed him a little tighter. Just in case.

Then because the Doctor had made me doubt myself, and I had never gone into labor on my own before, I called a good friend, and got her opinion.  I still had yet to start timing them, but had gotten to the point that I couldn't carrying on a conversation through one. She started timing them while were were on the phone, every three to four minutes.  She said that it was probably time to go.  So we call Linda, and ask her to come stay with the first born. 

By the time she arrived, I was in serious pain. I mean, serious. I am not the type of person cut out to deliver naturally. I know this about myself, and I have no problem with it.  I also would like to be as comfortable and numb as possible during delivery. So being in the amount of pain that I was in I started to panic internally that we might not make it in time for my beloved epidural. I did NOT want to miss that window.

Once we got to the hospital, Brandon got me as close to the ER door as possible, and I made it to the door, and had to stop for a contraction.  Some fool walked right passed me, while I am gripping a pole next to the door for dear life. He is lucky I couldn't move, I might have smacked him for not helping me.  Couldn't he see that I was in PAIN??? Lucky for me, though as soon as I walked in the door I was plopped in a wheel chair and carted off.  By the SLOWEST wheel chair driver ever, unless we were going over a bump, then it was all Nascar. 

We got in a room pretty quickly and they proceeded to register me.  Then everyone disappeared.  The nurse had promised to be right back with an IV and some pain medicine, and she was going to see how far along I was.  An hour later, she came back, apparently I was not the center of the universe that I had previously thought.  I am glad that everything turned out okay for the other lady though. I can say that now because I know how it turns out. I got my IV and meds, that took some of the edge off, but not nearly enough.  I was 4 centimeters along, so I wanted my epidural. By 12:30, I was in Heaven. I was ready to kick back and sleep the night away.

Then chatty Cathy showed up.  She wanted to tell me her life long story, and become best friends.  I have always been told, be nice to your nurses and they will be nice to you. So I humored her until about 5am. I was too tired to talk anymore.  Words were running together, I was spent. So I did the only thing I could think of, I closed my eyes and pretended to have fallen asleep.  I didn't have to pretend long, but chatty Cathy was persistent.  I have never been so happy for a new nurse.

Once Cathy was relieved of her watch, things really started moving.  I began feeling lots of pressure and I was ready to get the show on the road. My wonderful doctor strode in and said that he slept great and he wanted to know if I was ready to go. He checked me, and said that I was good to go.  The nurse asked me to do a practice push, and immediately told me to stop and wait for my doctor. He finished setting up all his gadgets and came over and I had to go-ahead! I couldn't lift my legs, let alone feel up to my breast bone (just the way I like it) so they put my feet on some stirrups and told me when I was contracting, and I did what I thought might be pushing.  I was nervous that I wasn't pushing at all, just holding my breath.  Next thing I know, Grant was here and screeching.  They instantly laid him on my chest and the world was right. I believe the earth shifted for this baby. I was later told that he had the cord around his neck and leg, but it wasn't long because he needed no assistance breathing. 



He is the proudest big brother, and is so happy to be one!


He is perfect.  The nurses, my OB, and his pediatrician all started making guesses at his weight.  I could have cared less about how much he weighed, I never wanted to let go.  I think that when God gives you a second child, he just knows that it is best to add a second heart as well because I know that my chest grew in that moment. It is amazing how instant you can be taken by someone. He will forever have me. Just like his big brother. I got to snuggle skin to skin and nurse him before anyone else had the opportunity to hold him.  It still causes me to swell to think that is how he started his life with the rest of us.

I couldn't have asked for an easier birth or more perfect little person to join our family. I am working to be totally present with this child. I now know how quickly all can be forgotten and how it flies by at alarming speed. As I type this, I am taken by the thought that tomorrow my baby will be a week old. It scares me to think that in two months my bigger baby will be four! How did that happen? I feel like I just left the hospital with him. I don't want to forget anything that this baby has in store for us, and all that Preston has yet to teach us. I love these boys more than I thought possible, and want nothing but good things for them.



It has to be said- I earned ever hair on that head!



One for the Dad...

Happy Mother's Day to all of those who has been there...  This one is for the Dad though, because without the Dad's where would we be on Mother's Day? Probably doing the normal everyday. 

There would be no one to convince my three year old to snuggle in bed at 6:15am when he came to wake us. I don't know how he did it, but I can never get that kid to crawl in bed and snuggle, even if I make promises of Care Bears.  So we managed to get until close to 7am before he was ready to move. Then Dad took him to make breakfast in bed.  I slide down a little farther in bed, and made attempts at sleep.  My child is just getting into secrets though, and needed to check, double check, and triple check that I would not come out.  I MUST stay in bed.  Got it, I promised to, but he wasn't sure. I am not sure that the child that made me a mother made a bit of my breakfast.  So, thank you Dad. 

Preston's dad also made sure that they were both ready for church on time, while I got to take my time and put on make up!! I am not sure of the last time I had time for makeup... Granted, they played lots of special music in church, and being the large pregnant woman that I currently am, I managed to cry it all off by the time church was over.  Such a nice service for the all the moms! In church, Preston managed to only misbehave a dozen times, and without complaint, Brandon had the many talks, so that I could sit and cry, and listen, and fan myself.  Am I the only one in that sanctuary that feels like it is a sauna??

Then we came home, and Brandon changed their matching outfits (yes, they wore matching to church without my prompting.) We loaded back up and headed out to Brandon's parents for a lunch that was partially made by the dad's. It was SO much food, and I think we ate enough to last us a week.  The Dad's grilled the largest steaks I have ever cared to see.  Even though I didn't eat a thing off the grill, there is something I love about a grilled meal.  It just tastes better. I look forward to this summer and all the grilling Brandon will do. I wish I knew how, we would probably grill every night if I did. 

After lunch, we were thinking about driving up on skyline drive and messing around, see how many contractions that we could make me have. The weather was so cool though that Brandon surprised me with the offer of Target... This is HUGE. The man does NOT like to go shopping. He offered to go look at monitors with me, which was even bigger because he knew that we would spend an arm and leg one.  He even offered to get the movement monitor set up as well, so that I can feel like I am ready for this baby.  Yes, I have two monitors for one child. I am crazy, I know, but I really don't want these kids in our bed, and this helps us both be able to sleep... I dread the day we start worrying about our kids sneaking out because they will be too heavy for the movement monitors then...

Then on the way home Preston falls asleep. Dread sets in, we both wanted naps. Never have we been able to take this sleeping kid out of the car and keep him asleep. It happened though!!! Brandon somehow got him into bed, and took his shoes off, and he stayed asleep!  That makes him a super hero in my book. So we had family nap time.  Naps for adults though I think are different than naps for kids. Kids refuel.  Adults get even more zapped. It had finally warmed up though, so we drug ourselves outside, and Preston picked me flowers in between races with Dad.

After being too full from lunch we scrapped Mother's Day dinner, and had some boxed noodles. They hit the spot though. I may have to remember to get some more. It was a great relaxing day, that I still felt like things were accomplished. We settled in so Preston and I could watch "our show."  The kid loves Amercia's Funniest Home Videos as much as I do.  I do have to sensor some of my laughing though at the people that get hurt.  It isn't as funny to a three year old. Last night he covered his eyes during the man getting a chest wax.

Thank you so much to the Dad though, that made it all possible.  Mother's Day would not be what they are without the dad's that make it happen. Preston has the best Dad a Mom could ask for.

The last 1,398 days this kid has taught me more than I thought it would be possible for one person to do.  He has taught me patience and joy. He has taught me that the heart doesn't explode, but will walk right up to the line of explosion. He has shown me how to panic over a fall, and how to have a calm exterior so he can calm down. He has embarrassed me more times than I can count, and I look forward to when he is old enough for me to return the favor. However, I wouldn't trade a second of his precious life.  I love how he has made me, I am a better person because of him. I know that he will continue to shape me, and I him.  I look forward to it.